Rejection Song...

Bad Day. Good Days. Some days you're the windshield... yea I've already said it before.

Today was the former. Bad Day. Actually a culmination of a few bad days of bad news that I have been managing for a few weeks to compile and allow to be over shadowed by what I deem more important - GOOD DAYS!

So that compilation of days surmounted into what can only be described as a magnificent perfect storm today.

First and foremost and with sincere sadness I lost a friend last week - a fraternity brother, a roommate, a shining light in my sometimes dark college days, passed away at only 33 years of age. He leaves behind a brother, a sister, a mother and father, a thousand friends and a million happy memories. Skinner you will be sorely missed by many.

As I often do with emotional experiences, I put that into a category of "cry about it later".  I have an abundant apothecary full of that category and today I decided to open up every drawer one by one.

So while allowing those emotions to come forth this morning, I realized - why at that moment I have no earthly idea - that I made an error when depositing money into the bank. I ran to my online banking to find that I indeed did make that error, and that the bank had graciously fixed that error at the cost of about $400.00.  And they were apologetic but really unwilling to take back their repairs or their $400 bill. They knew how I felt though. I seriously doubt it.

Thus the beginning of the storm. That related to a million mistakes in my past and today I was going to take the heat for all of them damnit. In the past three weeks I've gotten three rejection letters from film festivals where I submitted my directorial debut. At first I viewed these as accomplishments. I tried and submitted a completed work to them - this was an accomplishment in itself. I had many times played the role of "If I directed this film..." and then "If my film was done in time for that festival..." Well, I did it, they got it, and they don't want it. Today the glass was so not even close to fucking full.

And when I got home from a one hour session of calorie burning by furiously riding a bike that was going nowhere - which I today consider a metaphor for my life - I set up shop to begin a night of reparative writing on my latest completed script. But before I set up that shop, I checked my e-mail.

Great idea. There was another rejection letter. This from a screenwriting festival which I was egotistically banking on being accepted to this year. I could have shed a tear. I could have replied to their  e-mail with a symbolic middle finger. I wanted to do all of those things. I wanted to act out. I wanted to move to Europe tonight and call the whole career off.

But, for some reason, I didn't do any of those things. Instead, I broke out into a fit of laughter.

This was probably in part due to Bob Marley's Redemption Song - one of the greatest songs of all time - playing in the background. I changed the word REDEMPTION to REJECTION...

"Won't you help to sing these songs of freedom - cause all I ever have - rejection songs".

It's kind of funny, or it is to me but after the lack of general acceptance for my creative endeavors as of late I'm half expecting to be alone on this one. But more than funny - it was poignant. First, this was one of those quintissential college anthems - one that I often shared with that friend of mine who passed. This song was usually accompanied by a group of close friends, a cloud of smoke, what we perceived as a clear mind. But the words rang today - these rejections, they are freedom in a sense. They are growth. My favorite line-

"None but ourself can clear our mind"

Damn you Bob Marley.

I'm in this for the long run - so these are merely mile markers or hurdles, it just depends on how I look at them - how clear my mind is on that given subject or day or minute. Do rejections suck - yes. YES! For me they touch off a whirlwind of negative emotions and fear. But the period for which that fear and negativity doesn't need to last that long.

Today I don't know when I'll sell a script, or get in a festival, or be paid to do what I love doing on a consistent basis, and when I'll be able to keep that money in the bank when I make it. But what I do know, or at least believe today, is that I can do this. I have so much more to learn (clearly) and so much more I can and have the opportunity to learn. And for that I am grateful.

So "Won't you help me sing these songs of freedom"

24 hours...

A lot can happen in the span of 24 hours. Lives can begin. Relationships can end. I've had an entire relationship start, sky-rocket, fall flat to the ground and die within the span of 24 hours. Man I don't miss those days...

Right now the span of 24 hours I am focusing on is in January - when about 50 of a group of my closest and friends and working entertainment industry professionals whom I've never met will get together to write, direct, rehearse, and put up 6-7 one act plays to benefit charity.

And in preparation of said event, my last 24 hours have consisted of coordinating my talented and beautiful co-producers, working one of my several day-jobs, and an editing session with the DP of Moon Lake Casino.

Not much of an interesting post today - but I am excited to have had a day filled with forward momentum for my career. Come to think of it, if I could do every day what I did in the latter half of my day - I would really enjoy all of the 24-hour spans I could handle.

been a while childe

It has been more than a bit of time since I wrote in my blog - the one I started over two years ago with hopes of posting every week.... such a pattern...

 

Anyway thanks to the inspiration from my friend Kate Dirienzo and her blog Loosely Scripted

which is far more brilliant than WRITE OR WRONG as this one here is simply my mindless chatter.

 

So back to WRITE or WRONG. So many things have changed for me since that last post. I am no longer working in one job that is less than a perfect fit for me. Nope. Now I'm working in THREE jobs that are less than perfect fits for me. :-) Actually that's not so true. I'm waiting tables, catering, and working for a friends design firm - all part time - all affording me the opportunity to audition, write, occasionaly shoot, edit my last film (Moon Lake Casino) and move in the direction of... directing.

 

My biggest problem lately - what a schmucky way to start a sentence - is trying to figure out which of my three passions (writing, acting, directing) to REALLY focus on. I'm scattered. Really scattered right now. Working three to five jobs - sometimes all in one day - in addition to trying to produce a charity event, finish editing my film (which is quickly gaining recognition as the Sistine Chapel of short films), sell one of my 5-6 scripts, maintain a relationship, and now try to move...

 

All of that made me want to just check my FRIENDSTER account - which I did... luckily it was a bit distracting and only took me away from finishing this post for about 10 minutes. Ahem.

 

SOOO back to my dilemna - the current journey I am on is figuring out what is next. But that's more important than the destination...so here we go.  Hopefuly the next post is much sooner than 30 months away...

 

 

write or wrong - an introduction

I just really heard of blogging about a year ago (welcome to the world Jas) and this is my first ever blog. Whoo-hoo. Ahem. Anyway mine is called Write or Wrong because the farther I get away from my creative passions of writing and acting and directing, etc., the more wrong it feels. Ever feel that way? A lot of people do, few are able to admit it, but all who experience are at least lucky enough to have passion.
Passion - that's the key. Sometimes I mistake passion for crazy and visa versa. Like last week, I was working my day-job 3000 miles away in a small New England town full of people with big egos, and as the week progressed, so did my insanity, but I played it off as being a passionate, eccentric human being.
But I digress... passion. I need to have passion. Many of my friends are equally if not more passionate about their creativity but are yet confined by the needs of a day job. I actually have a pretty good day job managing projects for a renowned designer: a great deal of responsibility, having to travel, managing people in the office, working with a creative, eccentric (read: somewhat crazy) talent; and making less than half of what people who don't have outside career goals make. Why? I'm expendable. I'm another actor/writer/director, whatver- I could leave. Because I could possibly one day maybe book a role or sell a script or get a film that could maybe possibly affect the way my office runs, I have to settle for less money. It's not working for me any more, so what do I do? Complain and get more money? Well, yes I have done that and I will get more HOWEVER - too much money more will make me want to STAY in that position, right?
So I guess the deduction of this my first bitch, er, uh, BLOG is this - it is up to all of us who are working a "day-job" until we book that/sell that/get that whatever to BALANCE the creativity with the income, and be happy while doing it. At least that's how it seems today...